31. no book. no money. eggs are drying up. the end

so, i just read an article on early retirement. will someone PLEASE send me about $12,000 so i can get out of my credit card debt and start investing again? that would be great - thanks! another day at the glorious paralegal job. just trying to get through without gouging my eyes out from the monotony of it all. seriously, is it possible for me to be less passionate about something than i am about this job? why didn't my parents tell me this is how it would be? this whole making a living thing sucks hairy monkey balls! it has nothing to do with happiness, or creativity, or passion, or intrigue. and worse, i think the only reason i don't give up on the dreaded acting, is because i just can't figure out anything else to do with myself. i have no interests. wait... not true. i am interested in watching sports, and sleeping, and doing absolutely nothing, and not dealing with people. yeah, i'm all about the lucrative pastimes.

i am a complete moron when it comes to computers.

nobody is going to read this stuff. i'm not tech-savvy enough to make this page catch anyone's attention. so, i'm writing a book. it's all about how, for the past 12 years, i've let 20-25lbs ruin my life. i'm not overweight. i'm not delusional about how i look. i think i look pretty good. -pictures to follow. but, i have been tying to make it as an actress, only to be told time and time again, that i'm too heavy to be a leading lady, but too pretty and not heavy enough to be a character actress. apparently, there is no normal category out there. mind you, nothing but good things have been said about my actual acting ability by agents and casting directors. that doesn't really matter, though. unfortunately, i will not get work unless i'm a size 4. Just so you know... i think this is absolutely ridiculous, but i completely believe it to be true based on my experience. why then, haven't i lost the weight? that is what i've been trying to figure out for the past 12 years. can 20-25lbs really make that much of a difference in how my life plays out? anyway, here i am, almost 31 with absolutely no career (i'm not counting my pathetic reinsurance paralegal position either), and no idea what to do with myself. ideas? anyone? listen, i know a lot of people feel dissatisfied with their positions in life, i just refuse to accept mine, that's all. i'd like to make a documentary on how f*#@ed -up the entertainment world is about image and weight. i mean, everyone knows it's completely absurd, but i'd like to do an experiment on the response i get and progress i make, starting from what i look like now (which is totally normal and fine), to 20-25lbs lighter. i'd just be really curious to see how differently these people treated me after the weight- loss. i bet it would really piss me off.

inertia sucks!

i hate my job! someone, please hire me to do something worthwhile. i can't even set up this stupid blog page the way i want.